Procrastination

The time is 11:22 PM. I was supposed to be at the library at 6:30 PM. My intentions were good: get homework done, focus, stay away from the SIMS (seriously I'm addicted, I think I need help), and be productive. But then, my boss's husband told me about a little app called TINDER and my life hasn't been the same since. He said "It's kinda shallow but pretty funny." and I thought "story of my life." So I downloaded it.

For those of you who don't know, Tinder is, to put it plainly, a dating app. I KNOW, I know, how pathetic can I get? So you get on and it uses your location to give you a group of guys or girls to look at . And you can click "HEY BABY YOU LOOK SO FINE I WANT TO TAKE YOU OUT MHM U R A HAWTEE" (like) or "omg please get out of here i don't want to look at you anymore you are burning my eyes." (dislike) - Hey, I told you it was shallow. And then if you mutually like each other you get a "match"! At which time, you can message each other.

So I'm having a grand ole' time judging guys by their looks alone, when I start getting matches. And I mean MATCHES. As of right now I have... drum roll please...

142 matches!!

I am not kidding you right now. Apparently I'm a babe.. I had no idea.

So I was thinking, since I'm a babe now, I need to up my A game. I need to master the hair flip, smising (as Tyra would call it), and the bend and snap (that's a thing, right?) Basically my flirting techniques up until now have included laughing too loud, talking about Harry Potter WAY too much, and showing off my amazing fart noise (i mean, it is pretty darn impressive).

And since I've been a babe for, oh, a good 2 hours now and I've had a string of fairly successful (define successful...) relationships, I figure I can give some advice to all the ugly girls out there trying to catch a man. So here it is.

Hannah's ways to be a babe 
1. DO NOT let him know you're interested. Guys want a girl who makes them work for it! Everybody knows that. Ignore him, be rude, and overall act like your on your worst day of your period... All the time!

2. Guys love games. And like I said, make him work for it! Flirt with other guys around him, ESPECIALLY his roommates. He will not be able to resist you!

3. Makeup is an absolute must, ladies! Guys don't want to see what you actually look like. Eye liner is a girl's best friend, so pile it on! Dark eyes = sultry and guys want sultry eyes! You've never heard that before?

4. Never take less than 1 hour to respond to a text. You don't want to seem desperate, do you? A simple "k" is always a perfect response. He will be all over you soon enough!

5. Always tell the guy you like to ask out your roommate. Can I get a little reverse psychology up in here?

As an established babe and single lady, I can tell you that these 5 steps are guaranteed (just kidding) to work! Give em a try! Now,  I'm off to ignore, belittle, and manipulate guys! They won't know what hit 'em!

xoxo Hannah aka the babe (wow am I the only one who heard David Bowie right then? THE BABE WITH THE POWER)